In recent weeks, the CFO has been trying to grasp what makes me blog and bend it to his money-spinning will. It came to a head last night. The spreadsheets that populate his brain were whirring round vainly as he stared, expressionless, at the marrowdile.
"People are sending you vegetables?"
"Pictures of them, yes"
"For fun. Because we find it amusing."
"Pourquoi?" [this is starting to feel like a conversation with a three year old]
"Because carved vegetables are amusing. Bad cakes are amusing too, look at this!" [I proudly show him Guy Verhofstadt in all his fondant glory]
"Bof**. It is quite realistic but he is too pink. And why is his hair green? So. The blogue makes you money, yes? People pay to see these vegetables?"
"No. No money"
"But can't you put publicité on it? And get money?"
"No. Publicité are ugly. I only want nice things on my blogue, I mean blog."
"So. You could be making money, but you choose not to. This is so stupid. You like shoes, non? And bowls? And sushi? And stupid magazines with pictures of famous people with capitons***? And what is so beautiful about this 'marreaudile' anyway?!"
"I don't think it would make me any actual money. I mean, it might cover my morning coffee I suppose."
"Couldn't you do a blogue that makes money? Or a useful one? You could write about [the Bearded One's business]! That would be really useful AND make money. Yes! You make this into a proper blogue!"
"No. I can't. I won't allow it." [pompously] "This is my integrity as an artiste we are talking about here!"
"Pfff, so stupid. Et tu te fous de moi* on this blogue. I know you do. There is even a picture of mes tongs and I know you hate them. Why do all this, spend all this time FOR NOTHING?"
At this point I fear his brain may short circuit at the idea of effort without financial reward. I cast around desperately for an analogy to soothe the liquidity crisis in his mind.
"You know how you love the tortoises?"
"And you look after them and worry about them and order them new neon lamps on the internet and check their weight/length ratio and prepare them plates of Reptoboost and trim their nails?"
"Well my blog is like the tortoises. It gives no financial reward but it gives me great pleasure. Can you understand that?"
"Aha. Yes. Now that is a good idea. You should do a tortoise blogue. We could have a tortoise advice page. I am sure we could get lots of publicité! There is a definite gap in the market."
At this point I sent him away to play with some lengths of cabling.
*You take the piss out of me
** He really does say 'pff' and 'bof'. Mon partner, ce big fat cliché.