Saturday, 30 August 2008

L'araignée est dans le slip

Last night, in the bathroom:

CFO: "I have spiders in my pants"

E: "What?"

CFO: "I have spiders in my pants and they have bitten me"

E: "ARE YOU ON DRUGS. You can't have spiders in your pants. You would have felt them scuttling around and weaving webs"

CFO: "I am telling you. I am covered in spider bites all around my pant line and they weren't there this morning when I put the pants on"

E: "But.. spiders? What makes you think this is a spider infestation? Have you encountered these pant dwelling spiders before?"

CFO: "They are very old strange pants"

E: "What, those saggy cycling shorts?"

CFO: "No, worse. They seem to be entirely synthetic. I think my mother may have left them behind"

E: "Spiders with poor taste then"

CFO: "I wonder if they are nesting in my pants drawer?"

E: "You better not go rummaging in there. Clearly these pant spiders are particularly dangerous when roused. I've really enjoyed this conversation, by the way"

CFO "It's no bloody joke. It itches!"

E: "Go on, say it again. "J'ai des araignées dans mon slip". I LOVE it"

CFO: You are not a nice woman.

But I am no longer laughing. Now I have also incurred the wrath of the pant spiders. And Lashes, and Fingers. We are all sporting matching pant line trails of bites. It's really, really disturbing. Pant spider invasion! Au secours!


screamish said...

"Ergotism is the effect of long-term ergot poisoning, classically due to the ingestion of the alkaloids produced by the Claviceps purpurea fungus which infects rye and other cereals, and more recently by the action of a number of ergoline-based drugs. It is also known as ergotoxicosis, ergot poisoning and St Anthony's fire. (hallucinations, delusions) See also /the mystery of the Marie-Celeste."

Check your AllBran boxes!!!!

JoeyJoJo said...

No no no. You've got Aouta!!!! Or Chiggers as they're called in the States or Harvest mites in the UK. They love to crawl into nice warm places and well......look them up on google because it's pretty disgusting.

Rosie Redfield said...

Bites along the pant line and very itchy (not painful) sounds more like the work of a flea than spiders.

m.e. said...

yup....sounds like chiggers to me. horble things. they bite anywhere there is pressure on the skin, which makes it thinner or something, or brings the blood closer to the surface. i get bit along panty lines, bra lines, sock lines, and even wherever my sandals are tight.

i've also had spider bites recently (on my thumb) and almost lost my thumb nail because of it.

they're winning!!

justme said...

EEEEEK!! You poor, poor things! You need to fumigate the house! And take drugs..........
I am feeling itchy just thinking about you.........

peevish said...

Well, if it is the work of chiggers, the only cure for them is clear fingernail polish painted onto the affected area. This will suffocate the bastards which are still residing within.

Have you seen any of the pants spiders?

Persephone said...

Oh dear. I'm trying to eat my breakfast here...

Jaywalker said...

You worry me greatly. Peevish - when you say "the affected area" that would be practically EVERYWHERE on all the family. Whoever these bastards are they are thorough.
Does anyone have any fumigation advice? If I just blast the entire house with anti-biting insect poison spray will it do the trick? Should I declare us a public health hazard? Are they in league with the moths? Argh.

Sorry Persephone. Bon appétit and all that.

Jaywalker said...

Oh, and Peevish, I haven't seen them, though in general Belgium seems to be having a giant spider invasion. I wonder if Screamish is right and we are in the grip of a collective delusion. If so, it is an itchy one.