Thursday, 28 August 2008

Insect crime

Violet and I are emailing. So far so normal.



E: Did I tell you that at the wedding Lashes gave me a caterpillar and a cricket in an empty water bottle to mind? I had to keep this filthy bottle of soil and insect on the table in front of me all evening. But then the caterpillar got squashed and he wailed for about an hour and I had to clean up caterpillar blood and the cricket escaped and had to be replaced with a moth. I spent hours trying to catch the fucker.



V: You didn't pee on it I hope.



E: No. This one was much smaller.



V: And what happened to it? Is it still alive? I do hope I will not have to report you to David (keen entomologist and amateur naturalist we were at school with) again.



E: Um. It was in the bottle all night and then I don't know what happened. Oh no! More moth crime! Please don't report me!



V: This does seem to be becoming a regular occurrence...



E: My name is Emma and I am a moth molester



V: Moth botherer



E: Moth fiddler



V: Moth murderer



E: David can hear this conversation you know. Using his bat detector.



V: And he's coming to get you. In his foot shaped sensible shoes.



E: I won't hear him coming, will I?



V: Those crepe soles are totally silent.



E: I do really hate moths though. Bastards.





V: Damien Hirst should coat them in something shiny.





E: Oh god. I have just got an email from the CFO. It reads "I have cheese". Nothing else.





V: Is that code? Like, French code for something sexual?





E: I don't think so. We are never having sex again, remember? I think it's French code for "I have cheese"





V: Well, if you will insist on living with a Frenchman....

11 comments:

zoe said...

That's it Emma: I have to meet the CFO as well.

peevish said...

DO please tell us about the cheese.

I await.

La Belette Rouge said...

LOL!!!"I think it's code for I have cheese." Well, at that wedding it sounds like finding cheese was a major accomplishment of hunting and gathering. Actually, it sounds like you were so severely food deprived I am surprised you didn't eat the moth and cricket( can you tell I have been watching the Olympics. All the stories about eating crickets has widened my category of what I consider meat).

P said...

A man with cheese is always very alluring. I'm not fond of blue cheese, but I would do indecent things for a triple cream.

Jaywalker said...

Zoe - do you promise to leave the knives at home? He's quite skittish.

Peevish - it was Livarot. Very anti-climactic.

Belette - Another 5 minutes and I would have eaten them. Would probably have been tastier.

P! You came by! I loooove you [imagine my creepy unnerving stalker voice here]. I hate cheese, so really, not the most alluring thing he could have said "I have custard", now....

P said...

Please tell us about the multiple arm holes.

Mr Farty said...

Moth- and cricket-eating are Olympic events? If I'd known that, I would have lifted my embargo.

I had a different comment to make, but Belette distracted me. I'm easily - oh, look! Dust!

La Belette Rouge said...

Mr. Farty: And, I didn't even use any shiny object to do it.;-)

Strange insect and organ eating was not an official sport. Yet, every time I turned on the Olympics there was an amusing and heartwarming story about an American athlete eating a fried starfish or poached scorpion.

Jaywalker said...

Belette - Poached scorpion - I BET my mother in law could find that in a tin. Why? These news stories did not reach Belgium. More information plse.

Mr F - I could be in with a chance in the 2012 individual Moth Bothering. I am looking for sponsorship right away.

P- Done.

Dani said...

A man with cheese. Now that's hot!

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