Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Sand Part III

For Violet it's hedgehogs. "They move too fast" she says.
The Space Cadette shares a house with a soil enthusiast and his is mouths. He has to shut his eyes to brush his teeth and cannot watch anyone else eat.
A colleague of my mothers used to frequently faint when faced with the sight of toilet bowls. She had to back into the cubicle.

For me it's sand. Sand. Walking on it, touching it, wet or dry. The feel of it between my bare feet and my sandals is especially bad, and worse than anything, worse than death, pestilence, disease, war is wiping wet sand off my children's feet. I'd happily pay Robert Mugabe to do it.

I demand a radical redesign of the seaside. The sea can stay. Even the sand can stay. But between the two, I require a smooth strip of cement with a self rinsing plunge pool AND foot dryers. And sand free people to give me sand free garments and shoes, or to wrap me hermetically in cling film and carry me across the sand back to my car, which they will have hoovered free of the demon sand.

This is the ultimate parental sacrifice for me - building s*nd castles. Accepting a s*ndy child on my shoulders where it rubs its s*ndy hands all over my face in an amateur version of microdermabrasion. Washing s*nd out of clothes, buckets, baths, shoes. Eating s*nd, naturally. And then, at the end of a loooong s*ndy day, having a shower and lying down in my bed on a fine but definite layer of s*nd.

Damn sand.


justme said...

I am so glad you are escaping often enough to keep up your blog....its certainly keeping ME amused!
Hope you are managing to have some fun too.

Marianne said...

Aaaaaah you just reminded me of mine: nail files. People just strike up with them on the TUBE in PUBLIC and it makes my hair stand on end. The worst thing that's EVER happened to me, bar NOTHING!!!! is having a manicure on my own finger nails. I lasted about two strokes of the file and then ran away from the salon shrieking like a bat.

You are an amazing mother to be putting up with it - I hope the weather is nice and you're having a better time! x M

zoe said...

Ah, sand. My son manages to bring it into the house and then I'm doomed. It gets everywhere, even places such as the kitchen that I never enter.

I know because I've been told.

'cmqbj' - simply worth leaving a comment for.


Anonymous said...

Agree with you about sand. There is no escaping it here at the moment. We've got Paris Plage. Aaaaggghhh!

Waffle said...

I see that I am not alone in the sand thing. We should use the mighty power of the internet to get sand banned.

Justme - I got into deep shit for running away to play on the internets, but it was well worth it..

Marianne - yes, I can really sympathise with that one, nail files are a very bad thing indeed. Unglazed china is my other one. No! Badness!

Zoe - your head is just fine where it is. At least it's not sandy down there.

Parisgirl - ah yes, paris plage. I read your post on it with many wry smiles of recognition. But at least none of that sand is wet. Just peppered with fag ends.

Marianne said...

I actually just *gasped* for real on reading "unglazed china" - my second worst thing ever. Closely followed my monks habits and anything hemp.

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