Friday, 1 August 2008

My son the creationist

OK, I feel with the last post and pitiful outsider art project I have definitely established that either:

(i) there is noone out there; or

(ii) I am talking such absolute crap that noone can be arsed any more. I know where you're coming from. Imagine how much worse it is to LIVE in this head.


I will not however be deterred by such trivialities and will plough on regardless with what I was planning to tell "you" about.

Dinner time. Lashes and Fingers are quizzing the CFO on what the number after infinity is. I wonder once again how I have ended up in a house full of geektastic males.

Lashes: Tell me about how things started.

Me: What, like when you were born?

Lashes: No, before that, like les hommes de Cromagnon and the Romans.

Me: Oh. Right. So, to start with there was the Big Bang.

Lashes: No there wasn't!

Me: [Thinks: WTF???] There was, sweetheart; do you remember that book on the Story of Everything*? It starts with the Big Bang.

Lashes: Ah, that's what some people think. But they are WRONG. And some people think other things.

CFO: But most of the really clever people and scientists think that the Big Bang is the most likely thing. [Bringing out trump card] Grandad thinks that.


Me: And you believe in evolution right? That we were tiny cells, then sea creatures, then we crawled out of the slime and became monkeys, then had really small brains ...


Lashes: Like Fingers!


[Wailing, fighting, shouting, the usual]


Me: ... And then bigger and bigger brains until you turn into a humungous geek and give up on washing and wear really bad clothes.


[Censorious look from CFO]


Me: I mean, until we turned into modern man.

Lashes: But what MADE the Big Bang. WHO made it. Someone must have made it.


....



....



Me: Gas?



CFO: Eat up your yoghurt.


Lashes: Do you know about the people who tried to build a tower up to the sky?


CFO/Me: Eat. Your. Yoghurt.


[Me to CFO under my breath: I don't care if he's only six, if he tries to tell me the good news about Our Lord Jesus, he's out. ]

If anyone's looking for me, I'll be down the garden eating worms.


* Very good book, fellow atheists!

9 comments:

justme said...

No, its ok, we are still out here, happily reading and chuckling along....but the brain project was just too complicated for me! I don't think I want to look in there. No need to eat worms though. I LOVE your blog and am constantly amazed by your energy. I can barely get round to one entry a week, and to be honest they are pretty boring at that!

zoe said...

I couldn't think yesterday, it was so hot so I thought about what my brain would look like but gave up. There's too much going on in it for it's size. I may give it a go though.

Celebrate la Journée Nationale de la Frite with us tonight! Only in Belgium, eh?

Dumdad said...

There's no one out there - just us cyberchickens.

Parisgirl said...

Anyone out there? Of course not, it's August here in France. They've put granny in the hospital, sent the children to holiday camps, thrown the dog out of the car on the motorway and gone on holiday.

Jaywalker said...

Justme - You are so lovely. You say 'energy' I say 'demented inner monologue requiring an outlet'.

Z - Did you celebrate? I had a long discussion in Delhaize today with a crazed woman about oven chips. She was trying to make me put mine back because they were the devil's food. Only in Belgium indeed.

ParisGirl - Why didn't I think to do that. Oh yes, I'm anglo-saxon. Don't you have granny and dog the wrong way round?

Jaywalker said...

Oh, and Dumbdad - cyberchickens better than no chickens. I was starting to think I was a the last remaining peevish cyberpigeon.

Parisgirl said...

I think mamie and mutley are interchangeable!

emily said...

i love your blog but given that i read secretly from work, occasionally i actually have proper official work to do and therefore must catch up... today im reading backwards (newest to oldest) and so far my thoughts have been -
a) oh wow, look at the sheep!
B) WHAT VEG CAN I CARVE? (capitols denotes excitement - im not good with knives tho so...)
c) its a village fete - there has to be jam...
d) can i make jam?
e) is my lovely boy going to disown me if i cover the house in carved veg and cakes detritus in order to post them online...
f) oooh pretty shoes
g) hehehehe..im still giggling about the dinosaur :)

see, my own internal monologue is unending... :)

Jaywalker said...

Hello emily
I answered your village fête questions on the village fête post but I think you should slow down on the proper official work. Is august! Here the undead have all been stashed in their coffins for the whole month, and we are all allowed to play.