(i) there is noone out there; or
(ii) I am talking such absolute crap that noone can be arsed any more. I know where you're coming from. Imagine how much worse it is to LIVE in this head.
I will not however be deterred by such trivialities and will plough on regardless with what I was planning to tell "you" about.
Dinner time. Lashes and Fingers are quizzing the CFO on what the number after infinity is. I wonder once again how I have ended up in a house full of geektastic males.
Lashes: Tell me about how things started.
Me: What, like when you were born?
Lashes: No, before that, like les hommes de Cromagnon and the Romans.
Me: Oh. Right. So, to start with there was the Big Bang.
Lashes: No there wasn't!
Me: [Thinks: WTF???] There was, sweetheart; do you remember that book on the Story of Everything*? It starts with the Big Bang.
Lashes: Ah, that's what some people think. But they are WRONG. And some people think other things.
CFO: But most of the really clever people and scientists think that the Big Bang is the most likely thing. [Bringing out trump card] Grandad thinks that.
Me: And you believe in evolution right? That we were tiny cells, then sea creatures, then we crawled out of the slime and became monkeys, then had really small brains ...
Lashes: Like Fingers!
[Wailing, fighting, shouting, the usual]
Me: ... And then bigger and bigger brains until you turn into a humungous geek and give up on washing and wear really bad clothes.
[Censorious look from CFO]
Me: I mean, until we turned into modern man.
Lashes: But what MADE the Big Bang. WHO made it. Someone must have made it.
CFO: Eat up your yoghurt.
Lashes: Do you know about the people who tried to build a tower up to the sky?
CFO/Me: Eat. Your. Yoghurt.
[Me to CFO under my breath: I don't care if he's only six, if he tries to tell me the good news about Our Lord Jesus, he's out. ]
If anyone's looking for me, I'll be down the garden eating worms.
* Very good book, fellow atheists!