To the American gentleman having the following conversation on his hands free (aka barking into thin air like a lunatic) this morning:
- He just drove straight at me on a pedestrian crossing! Didn't even try to stop. He even gave me a dirty look! You would think there was a law saying he has priority or something!
There is a law. In fact, it is the only law of the road in Brussels that anyone has been able to detect, and it is this:
Firstly, and for your comfort and safety, understand that the black and white road markings are purely decorative. We think they look pretty. We understand that in your culture they have some other significance, but we are unsure what this may be.
Secondly, imagine the rules of the road as a game of Stone, Scissors, Paper, as follows:
Tram vs car - tram wins
Tram vs bike - tram wins
Tram vs human - tram wins
Tram vs elderly human - tram wins
Tram vs pregnant human - tram wins
Tram vs human infant - tram wins
Tram vs dog - tram wins
Tram vs ambulance - tram wins
Tram vs police outrider and important head of state delegation in unmarked Mercedes - tram wins
Tram vs Crown Prince Philippe, Princesse Mathilde and their three tousle headed adorable blond children - tram hesistates momentarily. Then wins.
Tram vs beer lorry - beer lorry wins.
All clear? Thank you.