Sunday, 8 June 2008

Belgian Fashion Clinic

Qu: It's raining again. I feel like running amok on the Grand Place with firearms. More importantly what on earth can I wear?

Jaywalker writes:

God, darling, I know, I know! And just when I thought I had summer all sorted out, for once. Ineptly slather on some St Tropez, put on a big frouffy skirt and a t-shirt, and go. But then summer fucked off. What to do? You know what, I honestly don't know. It's damn depressing. My hair is channelling Barbara Bush and the tortoises have gone mouldy. I found one yesterday with three snails on its shell. Sweetest, I don't even have the strength to body brush. Pour yourself a double hemlock, and let's turn to a native for some advice. Elleke?

Belgian fashionista Elleke van Boucheron writes:

You anglo-saxons, always complaining. You don't have enough sex, no? You should go to the sauna more often. Weed is good too. Relax!

You need cheerful things. We like turbans. Keeps the rain out, looks good, is biodegradable. Is easy to make yourself from materials you find around the house. Good for men and women. Perfect for work, shopping trips, even a dressy night out. So easy! Let me show you, my anglo friends.

This is a nice everyday model to wear for a relaxed weekend. Those tentacles are so useful, you could hang your recycled hemp shopping bag from the front.

This unisex model works for vrouwen and mensen and just screams authority, I think it is good for meetings. Don't mess with me! I am from Charleroi!

I think this one would be good at the disco. Especially if DJ Snake is playing. That guy plays hot tunes, wow! And so sexy. Also maybe good during the soldes. They only last a week, you want bargains, you need horns!

This is the ultimate party turban. Also maybe good for a modern rainy-day bride. The whole outfit is rocking that 'Miss Havisham savaged by vampire bats' vibe that we love. So practical also, that turban could hold a whole crate of Vedett and still leave room for your lip gloss.


Next time on Belgian Fashion Clinic: Elleke demonstrates how to make your own turban in five easy steps, and we feature guest fashionista, Big Mama the tortoise.


La Belette Rouge said...

I think that the assorted turbans ought to make you feel really good about your Barbara Bush hair. ;-)

Jaywalker said...

Maybe I ought to succumb. It was oddly satisfying making one for that endive, I must say....

Mya said...

Joan Collins is the only woman I know who can really work a turban. And that's only because she's bald as a coote. Or an endive. I don't know what these weirdo Belgians are on, but I want some of it, now! Was it a Dr Who parade?

Mya x

Jaywalker said...

It was 'water' themed. Though this was very liberally interpreted as you can see...

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