Tuesday, 13 May 2008

The Patty Hearst of south Brussels

I didn't inflict tales from my first visit to the dentist on you, because frankly it was dull. Drill drill, ouch ouch. Aha. But. You haven't entirely escaped because the dentist has decided that I am a one woman route to, um, who knows. A gold plated drill? A Ferrari? A second honeymoon? Hey, even dentists need inappropriate shoes too, and I do not begrudge her them. Whatever. This is a way of saying I go there a LOT.

What she says:
"Oh, yes, you again Mme Jaywalkaire, I remember. These teeth are REALLY BADLY BRUSHED. Tsk. Tsk. You must eat SO much sucre. You like les Haribos, yes? You should eat less sucre. And brush your teeth. Today I will do [hideous torture #1]. But I will also need to do [hideous tortures #2, #3 and #4]. And if I were you, given how DECAYED those teeth are, and how BADLY you look after them, I would definitely also do [hideous and expensive torture #5]".

I know #5 must be really bad because it had an English name. If something has an English name in Belgium, this means it will cost you big time.

What I say:
"Mfffffshjcsk " Ummmmmgrf" "AAARrgh!" "Eeeef!" "Euh oui, un peu mal" "Vous prenez Mastercard?"

But what is really (I know, not so much, but it's all relative innit) interesting is that I LIKE this woman. A lot. I cravenly wish to please this woman. I have purchased more dental products than I could ever imagine existed to ingratiate myself with this woman who repeatedly inflicts pain upon me. I have lavished untold wealth upon her which could more pleasingly have lined the pockets of Messieurs Louboutin, Hardy, Jacobs et al. I return time and again to the jazz-lite hell of her surgery even though my primitive lizard brain is telling me to run, run, as fast and far as I can, and hide under the nearest stone.

I have dental Stockholm Syndrome! Send in the deprogrammers!


Pig in the Kitchen said...

sweetie, i think it's simpler than stockholm syndrome, but perhaps more tricky to explain to your husband... (assuming you have one, I haven't read more than one post yet)...should I just go ahead and dish my (free) advice?

Well (intake of breath, crouched position of one about to run for their life)...i think you fancy her becoz she inflicts pain on you.

Right that's it, I'm outta here...

(I ordered my tankini, merci mille fois!)

Waffle said...

Oh pig, really? How disturbing and how possibly true. I do have a husband type person, the CFO. He is off to see her too shortly, so let's see if he ends up in the weird sado-maso dynamic too!
More disturbing psycho babble please. Wow, it's like group therapy all over again, yay for the internet!
So glad with the tankini. Victorian style coverage with a modern twist. And lycra. We like.

Anonymous said...

hmmm... or maybe you simply enjoy being told what to do - like revisiting your childhood?! ach i dont know, im only 24!

i do however hate the dentist. Mine is Swedish and not very good at explaining what or why he is doing what he is doing. He makes me cry

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Anonymous said...

I can relate to this because I went to a dentist 4 months. He was poking at or scraping all my teeth with a metal pick, and said it was better to do it without anaesthetic if I could stand the pain. (It would have been impractical to do all the teeth at once with anaesthetic). It was a 20 or 30 minute voyage through Dante's inferno. I trusted him so for that reason the pain was bearable. Rather than risk developing masochistic tendencies, next time I will ask him for anaesthetic (and only do a few teeth at one time).

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