Monday, 28 April 2008

A bit Pam Ayres, A bit Shane McGowan

Today's inaugural post is brought to you by the power of ibuprofen - thanks, pharmaceutical industry! I have toothache, but am not sure I can face the brutal honesty that presumably characterises Belgian dentistry as it does most other walks of Belgian life. I am thinking along the lines of:
"Your teeth are disgusting! Do you not brush them? This one here is now a rotting stump. Also this one. And this one again! Do you gargle with le coca cola? Why are you so stupid?"
I may be mistaken. But I doubt it. Of course the corollary is that they will doubtless repair my teeth faultlessly and speedily and with ample pharmaceutical assistance for not very many euros. I just can't face the humiliation. My friend Matilda suggested the Scandinavian Dental Centre, but somehow the thought of a wholesome, probably attractive, Nordic person looking into my mouth seems even worse. Also, Matilda said, disappointingly the dentists appear to all be women! Not at all what she had in mind. Will wait until the pain vs shame calculation tips in favour of intervention. And hope that I still have a few teeth to salvage at that point. Apparently, according to today's desperate surfing ("dentiste" "urgence" "phobie" "gentil") they can do marvellous things to your rotten stumps gums, comme ceci . Marvellous, there's still hope. They all look so happy! And blonde! And not like a gang of evil spiked worms is chewing through their gums!
As a result I am living today in a sort of semi-stupor. Like any other Monday, you might think. Yes, indeed, sort of, but with a slightly swimmy surreal quality that is not wholly unwelcome. Thankfully the corridor of ennui is oddly peaceful. I thought I might just shred the entire contents of my desk and construct a giant nest out of them to crawl into, like a gigantic puffy eurohamster. Then I could advertise myself as a happening in the Tribune de Bruxelles and maybe get enough donations to pay for treatment! Yes, it's all falling into place. Fire up that shredder.


screamish said...

I am here, fled to the outer reaches of the JW universe, where it all started, because I CANNOT GET A WORD IN up the screen there. i mean i understand why they love you so much, you're damn funny and all but bugger it where's the room for a poor honest amateur blogger like me?

was just curious to see how it all began and surprised/pleased to find comments still open for your first post. so i could be The First.

screamish said...

actually i kind of like the idea you may never actually see these comments...perhaps i shall return now and then to make one sided to myself in my own private corner of your blog

(ok i know that sound wierd, dont fret..Im just tired it's TEETHING time chez les jumelles)

Jaywalker said...

Ha. Here I am. But if you prefer I can go again? Or we can continue secretly chatting, here where it all began. Are you surviving, Screamish?

screamish said...

oh how nice, a guest! you must excuse the mess, I don't manage the housework very well at the moment.

Surviving fine. Like you I have the libido of a panda of late, so things a little tense chez nous.

also taken to sitting up late with glass of red wine wondering if having kids gives you the Get Out of Jail Free card in life...such as...what happened to my career and...where is the book I started writing three years ago...and suchlike. Hoping having kids makes up for all that, and twins also gives good excuse for failure to achieve. Always handy.

hatjunkie said...

so many funny people in the world. thanks for cracking me up.

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